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Sunday, May 10, 2015

Does the INTJ Match Burn?

The likelihood of an INTJ heterosexual relationship, by the numbers, is quite low in terms of probability. Considering male INTJs only comprise about 2% of the population and females come in at a whopping 0.8%, these intuitives types have a subdued  occurrence in the population. Being such a rare type can only attribute to lack of possibilities for hooking-up in the real world. Lack of commonality creates difficulties in communication and relatability. So, as improbable as it is, what if two INTJs formed a union? Are they too much alike or would it spark an intense fire? It's definitely a subject that deserves speculating and a picture worth painting.

Relationship Distance

Relationship Distance would be measured by the variables- silence and privacy. The normal measure would be great for an INTJ being introverted, relying on inward intuition, thinking in their heads, and having a high level of independence. The need for privacy would be tremendous to contain all of the inner workings and cognitive style. So, it would be assumed that the mirrored types would double the amount of Relationship Distance but actually these variables and their differences would be divided to form a ratio. An elevated need for quiet time and privacy develops in a nearly equivalent amount and would result in a reduced difference that nearly cancels each other out. Thus creating:

*Mutual respect for privacy and lowered anxiety of it being violated.
*Observation of need for quiet and moments alone.
*Trust and openness are more easily achieved with less Relationship Distance.

Wouldn't it be a relief to know your significant other isn't going to read your emails, scan though your texts, and look over your shoulder while on the laptop/phone? When two people can recognize those needs, it's the ultimate environment for trust.


INTJs have a language all their own. It's heavily laden with analogies and metaphors. Associations help us to connect new ideas and concepts. We not only communicate to others in this fashion but also in our own heads. Basically, people who don't speak in this manner have difficulty understanding it conversationally. As an INTJ, going out on a first blind date with an ES type, the conversation might go a little like this:

ESXX- So, what do you like to do for fun?
INTJ- (Blankly stares and let's the light fixture on the ceiling become the focal point)
ESXX- I like thrill sports. Sky-diving, off-roading, hunting! You like that?
INTJ-.... I like chess. It's a metaphor for life. You can tell so much about a person by the way they play. You can know their level of aggression, what they value, how passionate they are, cleverness, and so much more. My favorite piece is the Bishop but I shouldn't give myself away so soon.
ESXX- You musta went to college.

When two INTJs have a conversation, it is an exciting ordeal and quite a show for an observer. They will participate in dark humor, inside jokes, and connecting ideas with lightning moments of realizations. If one INTJ builds a framework and gathers information and inspiration, imagine what they can do together. Two minds working as one to create endless possibilities.


I know what you must be thinking. What emotions, right? One should never be confused with the INTJs ability to show or willingness to discuss emotions as opposed to the actual feelings that run deep. I think all INTJs can agree about certain phrases that make our skin crawl. For example:

* "We need to have a talk about things, later"
By things you mean feelings, your feelings, and how I don't relate, react, care, feel...
And oh yes, by all means, let's talk when it is convenient for you. Meanwhile, I'll create a catastrophic dialogue in my head when all the while you want to switch the times we walk the dogs. (sigh)

* "What are you thinking/feeling?"
It's interchangeable, isn't it? But the truth is you want to know what I FEEL about you or the level at which I feel for you. If I felt comfortable telling you, I would. But I don't and forcing me to do so will only increase our "Relationship Distance".
The actual response to this question is usually....(crickets)....
* "What do you think our future is like?"
This is probably a question that is asked for the talk that happens later. If you have to ask, it means you have no idea how to speculate for yourself. Obviously, if it isn't understood or felt by both parties, then a future is highly unlikely.

For two INTJs there wouldn't be forced talks and demands just a knowing. Sharing intimate thoughts would present at the right time without pushing or prodding. I would imagine two mirrors, shining and reflecting. Two souls taking in the meaning and depth. No explanation necessary.

If you are an INTJ that is in a relationship with another INTJ, Please leave a comment.

Coming Soon:
Does the INTJ Match Burn? Part II

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