Introvision, Not Introversion

Introvision is the special power unlocked by using the gifts given to the life of an Introverted Thinker with the Judgement style. As an INTJ, my primary function is Ni - introverted intuition. I was delighted to learn that the way I live my life has a name. It was always strange how I could never remember names or faces yet I could recite the serial bar code on the box of Cheerios from earlier that morning. I've always felt so odd moving through life. The way people looked at me whether I was speaking or not. Going out in public felt like a movie that I was watching and acting in at the same time. Waking up from dreams, and not moving out of bed until I scripted and ran it as a program in my mind until it hits me with the meaning. This method of living is special and uncommon. The transformative world inside my mind grants me Introvision.

Before I discovered my INTJ title, a world of social anxiety existed. Standing before my students, colleagues, superiors, and strangers, released an unconscious fear. My untrusted intuition was on hyper-drive. What were they thinking. Are they wondering why I'm wearing all black, AGAIN? The voice inside of my head wouldn't shut up. My 3rd and completely undeveloped Fi - introverted feeling, would kick in and support my ignored and exhausted intuition. My heart would race and I would sweat. Oxygen would seem hard to obtain and without it, I was all to sure that death would follow. I would long for home where I could ball up on my sofa. Sometimes, I couldn't wait and would contort myself under my desk where a pushed in chair belonged.

It wasn't that I could not be around people, just not groups of unfamiliar faces at one time. When I was sure of my setting and my intuition could be trusted, my confidence would show. I could be on my stage and present the strange and beautiful world of mathematics. My students, my audience could see how a sharp and determined mind presented itself. When disobedience or lack of attention was apparent, my eyes would slowly meet theirs and without delay, the INTJ death glare.

Introvision is a super power. I had it all along. Now that I am self-aware of my personality, I use what it has to offer me. My intuition is serious. Therefore, I listen to it. Just as I don't like to repeat myself, I never ask it to do the same. As for feelings? Well, they can't come out and play until they grow-up.

The Day I Found the Way

A few months ago, I was in a frantic search through the realm of psychology. Just one of the many branches I grasped onto while falling off of the tree of knowledge. So desperate to understand where I went so horribly wrong in my own personality structure. The many stops along the way included love avoidance, sociopathy, and narcissism. I wasn't sure where I might fit but then again, I never have. The tree had been forgotten about and there I was, swirling in vast and intoxicating information. An all-night introverted party of research allowed me to stumble upon the Myers-Briggs Temperament Indicator. I've taken this before. In fact, I remembered my results from years ago when I was on a similar quest. The past results were INFP and ENFP. When I read the profiles, they seemed like fairy tales describing characters in a book. Certainly nothing like me. At that time, I disregarded its validity. Should I take this test again? I do love assessments. Plus, that was ten years ago. Why not, I'll take the test, again. This time the results had changed to INTJ. What is an INTJ? I read the description and both time and I stopped. Needing more data, I took several versions of the indicator and the prevailing results were all the same. There was no way I could deny the truth, I am an INTJ.

The profile descriptions were intense. Not only did it describe me but it was like reading narratives of the coolest characters, ever. Dark, sarcastic, witty, mathematical, systematically driven, and many other elements that have distinguished me from others. I was never a feeler but the previous design of my life was stressful and the undeveloped, anxious, introverted feeler function was present and damn near pushing me over the edge. Since then, I have become an educator of mathematics and knowledgeable in the area of computer science. My emotions are deep, calm, and controlled. Intuition is my primary process and it is embraced. It's okay that I can't remember names or faces. I see patterns and can recall multitudes of formulas that have abstract uses on the present to allow me to see into the future. Surprises suck and I like staying at home. I love games and strategy. I'm not girly but I'm sexy and brilliant. Intelligent conversation is energizing. My death stare has always been noticed and it has an effect that trumps physical assault. At times I'm cold and calculating and my mind is a realm of the structures I have built to connect the ideas that eventually connect me-because I do fit. This is my world and it is rare. People want in but I am selective because if they are not a part of the pattern then it creates a problem.