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Sunday, November 30, 2014

Introvision, Not Introversion

Introvision is the special power unlocked by using the gifts given to the life of an Introverted Thinker with the Judgement style. As an INTJ, my primary function is Ni - introverted intuition. I was delighted to learn that the way I live my life has a name. It was always strange how I could never remember names or faces yet I could recite the serial bar code on the box of Cheerios from earlier that morning. I've always felt so odd moving through life. The way people looked at me whether I was speaking or not. Going out in public felt like a movie that I was watching and acting in at the same time. Waking up from dreams, and not moving out of bed until I scripted and ran it as a program in my mind until it hits me with the meaning. This method of living is special and uncommon. The transformative world inside my mind grants me Introvision.

Before I discovered my INTJ title, a world of social anxiety existed. Standing before my students, colleagues, superiors, and strangers, released an unconscious fear. My untrusted intuition was on hyper-drive. What were they thinking. Are they wondering why I'm wearing all black, AGAIN? The voice inside of my head wouldn't shut up. My 3rd and completely undeveloped Fi - introverted feeling, would kick in and support my ignored and exhausted intuition. My heart would race and I would sweat. Oxygen would seem hard to obtain and without it, I was all to sure that death would follow. I would long for home where I could ball up on my sofa. Sometimes, I couldn't wait and would contort myself under my desk where a pushed in chair belonged.

It wasn't that I could not be around people, just not groups of unfamiliar faces at one time. When I was sure of my setting and my intuition could be trusted, my confidence would show. I could be on my stage and present the strange and beautiful world of mathematics. My students, my audience could see how a sharp and determined mind presented itself. When disobedience or lack of attention was apparent, my eyes would slowly meet theirs and without delay, the INTJ death glare.

Introvision is a super power. I had it all along. Now that I am self-aware of my personality, I use what it has to offer me. My intuition is serious. Therefore, I listen to it. Just as I don't like to repeat myself, I never ask it to do the same. As for feelings? Well, they can't come out and play until they grow-up.

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