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Sunday, February 8, 2015

Intuition versus Fear

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My inner voice can be a little bitchy and sarcastic. As far back as I can remember, this guidance has served me in many ways. This voice has kept me out of trouble, made me reflect on something specific for relevance, answered questions, directed focus to find ideas or information, and allows me to process the world around me in a way I can understand.

When I was younger, I was rebellious and careless. I would put myself in dangerous situations and glide past horrendous obstacles. Today, I exercise great caution and only take risks with statistically viable outcomes. Staying out of trouble has always been a concern of mine because chaos has an interesting way of finding me. My life has drastically changed in the last twenty years. Although it can be difficult, I cannot avoid change. Divorce, single-parent child birth, going back to college, switching majors, and changing jobs (schools). I didn't avoid the difficult changes out of fear because these changes chose me and pulled me towards a projected goal

When I don't listen to intuition, I feel it.

Positive change- A welling inside of my chest.
Negative change- (caution) a punch in the stomach.
Aha moment- Splash of water.
Environment Focus- Pulling on the head to physically take notice. Hearing something before hand.

Positive Change

When I knew I wanted to change my major and obtain a 2nd degree in mathematics education, I could feel it in my chest like heat was about to burst through. I was toying with the idea and thinking of the pros and cons. I tend to bounce ideas with intuition and she says "stop making the stupid list and just make the change". If I continue to speculate, the imaginary alien begins to push its way though my chest cavity. I'll feel like I'm on fire and I can't sleep, eat, or do anything. Action must be taken quickly.

You see, I don't really care for feeling these things. Stress and the Ni-Fi loop is one hell of a place for your mind to exist.

Negative Change

This is when I am going to make a "loose cannon" decision. Like leaving a relationship into another one that has pitfalls that I can't foresee. By now, I should know if I can't envision myself in the change, something is amiss. Ignoring intuition and listening to someone who has more of their best interest at heart is a sure fire way to piss her off. If I begin to proceed with a bad decision, I can feel what resembles a punch in the stomach. It feels terrible.

That's not intuition it is FEAR.

Yes, I do experience fear. Especially with matters pertaining to emotions. But don't insult me. My primary cognitive function in intuition. I found websites with people proclaiming the difference between the two. Sometimes there are plenty of reasons to be afraid of choosing to do something incredibly foolish.

Aha Moment

Good ideas, brilliant ideas, and answers to hard to answer question present in this form. Since the mind is so quick and fleeting, intuition must communicate quickly. It feels like cold water. I'll even make a gasping for breath sound. Sometimes I will reflect on dreams or something someone said or did because intuition wants me to have a realization. If I scan without any luck, that's when she will hit me with it. She seems sadistic at times.

Environment Focus

This happens when I need to notice something. Like a student who is about to piss me off.  Feeling someone behind me. Quite a few times I will hear a doorbell or the phone ringing seconds before it actually happens. Hearing some one pull up in the drive way and no one is there and then watching headlights on a car as it creeps forward.

How does your intuition manifest?