Typed Conversations (INFJ) Part I

I find my conversations with other people to be quite fascinating. The contrast of answers and reactions provides a small glimpse into a different reality.

INFJ: Whaddup
Me: Hello
INFJ: I think I might turn bi at some point. I'm too open for my own good.
Me: If you did, would it be a big deal?
INFJ: I guess it wouldn't idk. I've had an experience before and didn't hate it or like it.
Me: Who you choose to love shouldn't be bound by gender. I'm straight but I don't see the harm.
INFJ: Yeah, I know. I was neutral to the experience. Although, I think the guy went easy on me.
Me: There is nothing wrong with being open to experience. INFJs are expansive.
INFJ: And we spend too much time on the internet.
Me: If the internet didn't exist, you would spend too much time in the village.
INFJ: I had a fascination with transsexuals or shemales from a random anime. And there was always online roleplaying. Which guys would rape each other occasionally.
I like the village. INFJ men are rather feminine. So, I guess as a youth I was attracted to the stronger female types.
Me: INTJs are a masculine type from what I understand. Even though I look really feminine, I don't have many female pastimes or interest.
INFJ: Lets just hope that does mean I'm necessarily the girl here. See the male ego talking.

It seems like any resistance I have to change is totally centered around the ego.

Idk I guess I shouldn't care.
Me: Will it help you?
INFJ: The ego? Very rarely it does. Maybe it was created for flirting and survival.
Me: Evolve then.
INFJ: I will. I've just sorta been living in hell until now.

I'm a very powerful creature. If anything, I could use quite a lot more ego

I feel like I've sorta. Taken myself for granted.
Me: When we overcome opposition, we grow beyond ourselves. 
INFJ: Western cultural values is what I was born under

But idk, I was an oddball.

I wasn't properly culturally conditioned

Or I seemed to have some sort of hidden knowledge

A higher consciousness.
Me: Really?
INFJ:  I believe it.

I think humanity is evolving

But with me specifically. I had the knowledge of a potential Shamanic practitioner

Terence McKenna - The Challenge: http://youtu.be/F3Xca_aFTEo
INFJ: Badass, huh?
Me: Sure.
INFJ:That's basically my speech that I'll be using like a modern day Hitler.

Except not killing people and stuff.

There's this other video that is mad cool. Basically is saying that our culture is leading to the death of the species.

And psychedelics are the way to hyperspace.

Correction. All life on the planet.

Nature is pitiless.
Me:...
INFJ:Intelligence is a grand experiment upon which a great deal has been rift

But if it proves inadequate. Nature will cover us over like she did the dinosaurs and all those other folks who came before.
Me:...
INFJ: Which is a very probable outcome

Unless we got some shit on our side.

Luck maybe.

-One week later-

INFJ: NTs are fucking nuts.
Me: Thanks.
INFJ: I keep having encounters with psychopaths

And you guys have no hold on emotions whatsoever

My family and i were threatened because of some crazy bitch ENTP

And her INTJ.
Me: Really?
INFJ: Idk, don't say anything to anyone, though.\
Me: Who am I going to tell?
INFJ: Idk I guess she is just very underdeveloped

Or she has a personality disorder

But she seems to hate me for some reason

She assaulted me for my beliefs

She's an underdeveloped cunt

Below my level, clearly

Sense she has to make threats

I was just being nice trying to make amends.
Me: Just block her, unless you are a masochist.
INFJ: I will, obviously. I'm not at a computer.
Me: You don't have to be at a computer. I've blocked people from FB using my phone.
INFJ: She is a two-faced bitch.
How?
Me: Go into your settings.
INFJ: I did. I don't see it.
Me: I'm not your tech support.

 

 

 

 

 

Unicorn

Unicorn

When I was a child, I thought I was a unicorn.

The others were playing house and school

as I imagined different dimensions

where I could teleport away...

But people don't like what isn't common

they crush it with their words

and hands

and I created a black hole

         with the left over pieces,

         with the left over time,

         When I would think

                                re-think

                                and think

                       into an infinite loop

                       to keep me away from what is real...

I pushed you away

and when I awoke, I was lost

the silence was crushing

like my eardrums would explode.

The movie I was in

I was watching

the horrible scene

When you scream "don't go in there"

But I do,

the credits roll

and I can't rewind the film.

Unicorns were never real

but their image is all around

it makes me disprove

                   what I prove

                   and I lose what I believe..

I see the way they stare at me

I am the universe

as starburst shoot from my eyes

                                    and lips

                                    and fingertips

It is useless to hide the truth

from the people who will lie

they hunt the legendary creature

because of what they fear

                          they can't control

                          or put me in a cage

                          or seal away the 

                          secret

                          that I've been keeping all along.

I'll never hide what is hidden

because one day they will see

the universe will die

the unicorn is me.

Typed Conversations (INTP)

I find my conversations with other people to be quite fascinating. The contrast of answers and reactions provides a small glimpse into a different reality.

INTP: I really like your elf ears                              Facebook Profile Picture with Elf Ears

Me: Thank you, it shocked the hell out of my parents when I was born. Obviously, my mother had an affair with an elf.

INTP: I love it.

Me: Glad you love it. Dad was pretty pissed.

INTP: Oh, I have no doubt about that. I'd be livid if I were him when you popped out. Realizing that your wife's "business trips" were to a magical land where she "visited" with an Elven lover as a significant other...whew.

Me: That made me smile.

INTP: (Various cute stickers)

Me: ?

INTP: I don't know how to talk to an elf, gah. I've never met one before.

Me: Oh, it's not that different, really.

INTP: I thought not, if I'm honest. Just exusing the likelihood of my presenting my awkwardness to you.

Me: Is it awkward?

INTP: No, not even a little bit.

Me: Because I have this amazing ability to make everyone awkward.

INTP: So...can I add you in hopes of future awkward situations?

Me: Future awkward situations...like what?

INTP: Well, I don't know. I'm sure we could come up with something and make it super awkward!

Me: Wait...What are you asking of me?

INTP: If you cared whether or not I added you via FB...lol. What did you think I was asking?

Me: I didn't think anything. Humans are so interesting. I mean people.

A Day in the Way

There was a story I found on the internet about the events occurring in one day for a misanthropic INTJ. So, today I share a narrative of my day.

4:38am Couldn't sleep because I played a stupid game called TwoDots on my iPhone all night in bed instead of sleeping. A student suggested it or challenged me. I can't remember because that conversation seems hazy. What I do know is that I have to get out of my bed and teach high school math. The subject is so eloquent and pleasing but my ability to lose myself in its beauty turns to frustration when I have to hear statements like "This junk is hard" and "I don't understand". They spit in the faces of the great ones who sacrificed themselves so that Algebra students could mock them.

6:22am Finally in the car after giving my son many scowling looks for almost making me only on time. He is in the passenger seat with his hoodie bound tightly against his head in the hopes of protecting himself from germs. I find it useless to rationalize given he may have an OCD. I'll have to research OCD when I have a few hours.

7:45am Now that I'm at the high school, I wish I would have faked an illness. The students are everywhere and not in my homeroom class. I mark them absent even though I see them running around. Inside of my room, students are using my markers to write their names with obnoxiously large letters. My colleagues try to make small talk with me in the midst of the chaos. "So how was your Thanksgiving break?" I try to search for a reply in my head even though no thought should be required for an answer that is predetermined. "It was...good" is the only reply I could muster.

9:14am Class has started and I've already lost them. I've chosen difficult word problems that I don't have the answers for because I'm bored. I few of the students are trying to solve them as we bounce off ideas, which I am enjoying and jotting around the room. Te (Extroverted Thinking) is in effect as I'm talking and writing but some students are having side conversations and I can hear and comprehend them simultaneously. The problem is throwing me off and I'm getting distracted. I start barking commands for seat changes. When that doesn't work, the biting and sarcastic comments roll off of my tongue with ease. Class is now over.

11:25am I'm underneath my desk.

12:16am It is lunch time and I wonder if I should eat with my teacher neighbors. If I do, I'll either dominate the conversation with some arbitrary research or say nothing at all while topics that I care nothing about ensue. My son comes in the room for germ-x and dances around the room spouting off ideas for new inventions. He's an ENTP. As he speaks, I wish I could get back under my desk.

2:05pm I've completely blown my planning period on Words with Friends. Laughing as I dominate the boards on multiple games. My sheer enjoyment heightens as my opponents hurl spiteful words like "Vulcan" at me in the chat. Unfortunately, the fun has to end and I must endure my last class for the day. Freshmen. They pour in loudly as they travel in packs from P.E. Sweaty and boisterous. They want the bathroom and water and complain my classroom smells. They are the ones that stink. They're not interested in my lesson and somehow I have transitioned from a smiling and welcoming teacher to one that is yelling something about using differential calculus to predict their time of death. It all seems like another bad movie where I am watching and playing the main role. The school day has finally ended and my face is flat on my desk.

5:14pm Home is a much better place. My teen-aged son goes off to troll some unsuspecting soul on the internet. I make coffee.

7:49pm World of Warcraft is my virtual home away from home. I've always prided myself as an accomplished player with chart topping DPS and the ability and stamina to maintain focus for hours. While I'm completing a dungeon with a party, someone says in chat says "Hey warlock, be careful when using Mannoroth's Fury with Rain of Fire, your going to pull to much aggro". What? I read the statement again and check to make sure I am the only Warlock that could have been directed to. He IS talking to me. Is he insane? I know I examined the radius before placing down my AoE. "Maybe if you weren't such a pathetic tank you would notice you pulled to many mobs" I reply. The chat goes wild and I'm typing more than killing.

9:58pm I think about it all as I find my way back to the same bed from the beginning of the day.Think about tomorrow and the rest of the week. Where did I go wrong? How can I change it all. Maybe I should get out from under my desk and conquer this world. It's a responsibility not fit for the weak-minded. Somehow I'll find the patterns, make the connections that create the design. The answer does exist somewhere within my mind. I will sleep tonight and realize the meaning behind the dream. But first, I'm going to kick this guy's ass at Words with Friends.

Introvision, Not Introversion

Introvision is the special power unlocked by using the gifts given to the life of an Introverted Thinker with the Judgement style. As an INTJ, my primary function is Ni - introverted intuition. I was delighted to learn that the way I live my life has a name. It was always strange how I could never remember names or faces yet I could recite the serial bar code on the box of Cheerios from earlier that morning. I've always felt so odd moving through life. The way people looked at me whether I was speaking or not. Going out in public felt like a movie that I was watching and acting in at the same time. Waking up from dreams, and not moving out of bed until I scripted and ran it as a program in my mind until it hits me with the meaning. This method of living is special and uncommon. The transformative world inside my mind grants me Introvision.

Before I discovered my INTJ title, a world of social anxiety existed. Standing before my students, colleagues, superiors, and strangers, released an unconscious fear. My untrusted intuition was on hyper-drive. What were they thinking. Are they wondering why I'm wearing all black, AGAIN? The voice inside of my head wouldn't shut up. My 3rd and completely undeveloped Fi - introverted feeling, would kick in and support my ignored and exhausted intuition. My heart would race and I would sweat. Oxygen would seem hard to obtain and without it, I was all to sure that death would follow. I would long for home where I could ball up on my sofa. Sometimes, I couldn't wait and would contort myself under my desk where a pushed in chair belonged.

It wasn't that I could not be around people, just not groups of unfamiliar faces at one time. When I was sure of my setting and my intuition could be trusted, my confidence would show. I could be on my stage and present the strange and beautiful world of mathematics. My students, my audience could see how a sharp and determined mind presented itself. When disobedience or lack of attention was apparent, my eyes would slowly meet theirs and without delay, the INTJ death glare.

Introvision is a super power. I had it all along. Now that I am self-aware of my personality, I use what it has to offer me. My intuition is serious. Therefore, I listen to it. Just as I don't like to repeat myself, I never ask it to do the same. As for feelings? Well, they can't come out and play until they grow-up.

The Day I Found the Way

A few months ago, I was in a frantic search through the realm of psychology. Just one of the many branches I grasped onto while falling off of the tree of knowledge. So desperate to understand where I went so horribly wrong in my own personality structure. The many stops along the way included love avoidance, sociopathy, and narcissism. I wasn't sure where I might fit but then again, I never have. The tree had been forgotten about and there I was, swirling in vast and intoxicating information. An all-night introverted party of research allowed me to stumble upon the Myers-Briggs Temperament Indicator. I've taken this before. In fact, I remembered my results from years ago when I was on a similar quest. The past results were INFP and ENFP. When I read the profiles, they seemed like fairy tales describing characters in a book. Certainly nothing like me. At that time, I disregarded its validity. Should I take this test again? I do love assessments. Plus, that was ten years ago. Why not, I'll take the test, again. This time the results had changed to INTJ. What is an INTJ? I read the description and both time and I stopped. Needing more data, I took several versions of the indicator and the prevailing results were all the same. There was no way I could deny the truth, I am an INTJ.

The profile descriptions were intense. Not only did it describe me but it was like reading narratives of the coolest characters, ever. Dark, sarcastic, witty, mathematical, systematically driven, and many other elements that have distinguished me from others. I was never a feeler but the previous design of my life was stressful and the undeveloped, anxious, introverted feeler function was present and damn near pushing me over the edge. Since then, I have become an educator of mathematics and knowledgeable in the area of computer science. My emotions are deep, calm, and controlled. Intuition is my primary process and it is embraced. It's okay that I can't remember names or faces. I see patterns and can recall multitudes of formulas that have abstract uses on the present to allow me to see into the future. Surprises suck and I like staying at home. I love games and strategy. I'm not girly but I'm sexy and brilliant. Intelligent conversation is energizing. My death stare has always been noticed and it has an effect that trumps physical assault. At times I'm cold and calculating and my mind is a realm of the structures I have built to connect the ideas that eventually connect me-because I do fit. This is my world and it is rare. People want in but I am selective because if they are not a part of the pattern then it creates a problem.